Dear OBOB

Dear OBOB …

The high volume of letters we receive at the OBOB offices each week reflect the fact that the website continues to be a popular read amongst the local biking fraternity.  We’re sorry if you’ve written to us and not received a reply, it’s just that we can’t be bothered.  This month though we’ve decided to print a cry for help from one of our members, just to show that we do care about peoples feelings.  Here’s the letter:

Dear Chris,

I’ve lived in Hooky for three years now and consider myself quite a nice bloke.  I thought I’d made some good friends, but recently I’ve noticed that people avoid me on Saturday mornings at football and I’m left standing alone on the touch line.  Jo and I frequently attend dinner parties, but people jostle for seats and I’m the one left sitting alone.  If I do get a chance to talk to anyone, their eyes just glaze over and they make an excuse to leave the table.

What’s wrong with me Chris?  Can you help before Jo leaves me for someone interesting?

Regards,

Adam Green

We thought long and hard about Adams plight before passing on our advice.  Things got so bad for him that he considered a work secondment to China, but when he realised that he’d have to miss a few Sunday mornings with the few friends that actually listened to him he turned down the offer.  Here’s our reply:

Dear Adam,

It’s good that you’ve taken the first step of writing to us at OBOB because we know exactly what your problem is.

To be honest I spotted it ages ago, but as you’re a friend I wasn’t sure how to tell you.  I’m afraid that being left alone at parties is no longer the preserve of accountants, quantity surveyors and car dealers, now it’s people like you – the Bike Bore.  It’s time you realized that, outside of your own little group, nobody’s interested in what you have to say.  You’re wasting your time explaining the virtues of mud tyres, the advantage of Hope discs over rim brakes and why your frame bearings need replacing.

The sooner you understand that normal people don’t actually care what a rear mech hanger does and think that cable ties are only for electricians, the better.  Get a life and try to develop new hobbies, such as Beaver Scouting, the internet or gardening.  And stop driving round in that black BMW pimp-mobile and gay Peugeot Cabriolet; a bloke like you should consider a sensible estate car for the sake of your children.

By the way, I need some new bar grips – when I see you next perhaps you could advise me about lock-ons?

Yours understandably,

Chris and the OBOB team

What do people have to say about him?

JOHN TURNER (NEIGHBOUR) – “Yeah, nice bloke, but don’t get him started about bikes if you want an early night”

GARY PARKINSON (FRIEND) – “Bores me to death!”

JO GREEN (WIFE) – “After 17 years with Adam I’ve learnt to accept him”

NEIL DORMAN (BMX PRO) – “Adam who?”

IAN STREET (DECORATOR) – “I thought watching paint dry was boring until I met Adam”