The Doctor will see you now

New member Jonathan Nicholls, 54, purchased three bikes in less than a year, raising fears of Obsessive Compulsive Bike Disorder amongst the Hook Norton team.

Concerns were reaffirmed at Derek’s Disco when Nicholls left the dance floor after gyrating sensually to his favourite track, “Spirit in The Sky” by Doctor and The Medics, and showed bored onlookers iPhone clips of his new Santa Cruz bike.  Some have speculated that the new bike is a figment of Nicholls’ vibrant imagination, induced by years of studying the finer details of Henry Gray’s Anatomy of The Human Body.

Close comparisons have been drawn to Adam Greens “Bike Bore” affliction in 2007, a mental condition that Adam successfully controlled by surrounding himself with new possessions including fast cars, personal number plates, a hot tub and a digital watch with calculator function.

Nicholls’ nanny, Swedish ex-porn star Saskia Knickerhoffen, contacted us about her worry for the welfare of Nicholls’ wife Cathy and their six children after he spent £70 on brake pipe realignment.  “Why would he spend so much on a simple task like this?” she said.  “Even I know that all he needed was an adjustable spanner, a clean working area and Kenny’s brake bleed kit.  In Sweden every man can bleed brakes.  I just hope it all ends soon so that his family can return to normal”.

Oh Matron!

Nicholls was unavailable for comment.