Rider Profiles

Jonathon Nicholls (Santa Cruz Blur LT2): Suave, sophisticated, debonair Jonathon was Pierce Brosnan’s stunt double in the “Die Another Day” ice cave love making scene.  Revered for employing a string of glamorous nannies to assist with his numerous children, Jonathon is also pretty handy with the needle and thread.  “I say old chap, what’s for supper?  Tally-ho!”

Kenny Presly (Ibis Mojo) – Proof that Scotsmen aren’t tight, Kenny didn’t skimp on the bike when he discretely stepped off the Raceface catwalk. Come rain, shine or a heavy night, Kenny is always a serious challenger. No matter how thick the mud, Kenny’s bike is always immaculate by the next ride.

Neil Dorman (Ragley Blue Pig) – What can you say about Neil, the BMX champ? Neil puts the team to shame with his jumps and bunny hops, all packaged in a grunge-chic skate style fashion. He’s pretty handy with an allen key too, but you’d have to pay him a lot of money to chuck his flat pedals. In short, he’s cool and he likes malt loaf.

Pete Joyner (Marin Mount Vision) – Pete took some persuading to join the club, some nonsense about being unfit. A charity bike ride inspired him to borrow Adams spare bike and come on a ride with us. After a particularly hard first ride he did the decent thing and nipped off to the bike shop with his credit card.  A baptism of fire in the Lakes that would have reduced lesser men to their playstations followed, now PJ is part of the team.

Chris Green (Specialized Stumpjumper Elite) – Chris’ low body mass index and snake like physique skims him across the mud like a hovercraft, but makes him last to the bottom of the hill. Has been known to quiver like a whippet when it gets cold. Chris’ lucky break came when his wife gave him some money to spend on a fast bike; too fast for him though, his next break was a collarbone.

Adam Green (Cannondale Rush) – Adam realised it was time to sell his collection of disused bikes after his shed door wouldn’t shut. We were all content with hardtails until Adam bought his Stumpjumper, so it’s his fault that our children went without toys so that we could upgrade our bikes. Turned to the tracks after meeting Chris, but gets his road bike out when the winter sets in.

Graham Wilkes (Specialized FSR) – Gung-Ho Graham runs the shiniest bike and doesn’t mince out on the steep bits. Always keen for a mud bath and not afraid of the cold. Don’t be fooled when he says he’s too busy working on the kitchen to come on a ride though; Graham loves to drop the roof on his Mini and let his hair run wild, hence his noticeable absence during the hot summer months.

Peter Skelton (Specialized FSR) – Skelly to his friends, Peter’s skill with the Ordnance Survey map has saved the day many a time.  A recent convert to full suspension, he cycles to work in the summer. Peter’s an outdoor guy, perfectly at home in a tent with a compass in one hand and a beer in the other.

Lewis Dorman (Specialized Stumpjumper Expert) – The Sorcerers Apprentice, Neil is currently passing his Jedi skills to his first born child. With a Dad like Neil, Lewis can expect regular component upgrades and geometry alterations to his bike, along with free issue protective eyewear and BMX stickers. On a recent ride, Lewis was heard to ask “Dad, why do I have to carry your backpack?”. One day my son, my inner tube collection and the contents of this Camelbak will be yours.

Jo Green (Specialized Stumpjumper) – Jo is married to Adam, and so far is our only female member. Adam removed young Will’s baby seat from Jo’s Hardrock and persuaded her to tackle the Lakes; she came through with flying colours, squealing with delight at her first log jump. All we need now are a few more lovely ladies like Jo – it’s not just for men you know.

Pete Nottingham (Gary Fisher Roscoe 3) – Pete finally shifted the WWII submarine engine from his garage and parted with some cash. You may notice that his rear tyre is smaller than his front; the bloke in the bike shop told him it’s best that way. Isn’t that like buying an odd pair of shoes though?

Paul Andrew (Trek Fuel EX8) – Best known for his leading role as Marty McFly in the 1985 film, Back to the Future, an accident with a DeLorean starter motor and 1.21 Jigawatts of electricity left Paul’s chest and back covered entirely in Merino wool. Fast forward 20 years, and Paul has excellent self wicking properties similar to those used by The North Face in their base layer clothing systems.

Tom Phipps (Specialized Rockhopper) – Tom’s loyalties are split between his bike and his board. He’ll throw himself off anything if he can land on snow, but as the only powder we see round here is talcum the bike wins for 51 weeks of the year. The only dilemma left on a Sunday morning for Tom is whether to take a dump before or after the ride.

Gerry Duggan (Cannondale F4): Gerry grew up in Australia and invented re-usable waterproof toilet paper, selling it from his camper van to hard-up surfers on the New South Wales Coast.  Now Hook Norton’s grumpiest man, Gerry loves getting his tackle out in saunas and having a good rant.

Andrew Querelle (On One):  Recently misquoted as “liking it hard from behind”, Andrew was actually referring to his move away from full suspension onto a radical custom-built hardtail.  Presently reading “Mein Kampf” by Adolf Hitler.

John Adams (Cube 1200):  As ZZ Top sung:  “Clean shirt, new shoes, and I don’t know where I am going to, white teeth, black hair, Mum’s are checking me everywhere, they come runnin’ just as fast as they can, coz every girls crazy ‘bout a sharp dressed man”.  The only male apart from David Beckham who doesn’t look queer driving a cabriolet.

Markus Gerber (Scott RC20) - The only rider who won’t concede that Scott bikes are miserable, Markus continues to waste thousands of pounds on replacement parts.  Markus’ legs are powerful and beautiful and his cooking is almost as good as PJ’s.  Cuff ‘em and stuff ‘em Enos!

Tom Everitt (Scott) – ”The youth of today, hey?  All they do is stay indoors and play with iPods”.  Not Tom, he gets out and rides, waiting for us at the top of the hills.  Tom gets stronger while the rest of us grow old.  Eats lots of food.

Mike Everitt (Cube 1250) – Recently conceded that Scott bikes are miserable and gave it to Tom as a present.  In fairness to Mike’s bike though, with regular maintenence it was pretty reliable and didn’t let him down.  Wears strange overshoes.